Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Sung to the tune of “The ballad of Jed Clampett” From the BEVERLY HILLBILLIES Submitted by Rena Come and listen to my story ’bout a man named Gore A snippy Democrat, who was really quite a bore On election day of his Presidential bout He thought he lost the fight but he got to recount ballots that is… punch cards… butterflies Well the next thing you know they’re countin’ ’em again He lost a second time so he gave it…
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A man was brought into the hospital care ward, put in a bed, had tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking, etc., for a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say: “Scottish.” The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand and said: “Irish.” This act tired them out so badly…
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Santa Claus: An engineer’s perspective I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. II.…
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Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to…
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Three men were walking through an alley when they spotted a genie lamp. They rubbed it vigorously to see what would happen. The genie came out and said, “I am the Genie of the lamp. Since there are three of you, you will each have one wish.” They all thought long and hard then the first guy said, “I want to be 10% smarter.” *POOF* he’s 10% smarter. Well the second guy wanted to top the first. He wanted to…
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The pentagon recently found it had too many Generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any General who retired straight away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring General’s body between two points he chose. (Something Congress came up with!) The first General accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out…
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There were these three nuns and they were trying to get into heaven. So God appeared and said, “Answer this question correctly, and I’ll let you in.” So he asked the first nun, “Who was the first man on earth?” The nun said, “Adam” So God said, “Bamm! You’re in heaven.” So he asked the second nun, “Who was the first woman on earth?” And she said, “Eve!” So God said, “Bamm! You’re in heaven.” Finally it was the third…
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This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95. CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS:…
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12. “Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?” 11. “…that’s right, not even McGyver could fix it.” 10. “So — what are you wearing?” 9. “Duuuuuude! Bummer!” 8. “Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap’n.” 7. “Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.” 6. “We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.”…
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Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave. One bat feels rather hungry. “Let’s go and find some blood,” he suggests. “I don’t think you can get any blood at this time of day,” says the other bat. “Well, I want blood and I want it now!” he says and prepares to take off. “Are you coming with me or not?” “Don’t be stupid, you’ll just waste your time”, says the second bat. The first bat flies away.…
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