Scream Jokes - page 5

Another Hungover Sunday at Church

Tom’s best friend wakes him up on sunday morning after a long night of partying and drags him to church. Despite Tom’s pleas for sleep his friend forces him to sit through the entire sermon. As the priest begins his sermon Tom drifts asleep. The priest asks the church, “Why are we gathered here this morning?” At that very moment Tom’s friend, noticing Tom is asleep, jabs a pencil into Tom’s leg. Tom jumps up and screams “FOR THE LOVE…

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Read JokeAnother Hungover Sunday at Church

Football Math

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.” The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer…

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yo mama so nappy

yo mama hair so nappy when she combs it sounds like a pack of fire crackers goin POP! POP! POP! yo mama hair so nappy it look’s a Brillo pad. yo mama hair so nappy when she gets hair cuts the naps just start bobbin’ and weavin’. yo mama hair so nappy when she puts on a hat the hat screams.

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The Slow Golfers!!!

A foursome goes out on the course, only to find themselves waiting on every hole for the most inept golfers they’ve ever seen, who are playing in front of them. After a few holes, they start yelling at the klutzes, but that doesn’t seem to speed their game up. By the time they’ve finished their round, they’re so pissed off that they go straight to the golf pro to complain. “Guys,” he tells them, “those fellas you’ve been screaming at…

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Read JokeThe Slow Golfers!!!

Black Sponge

A little boy accidentally walks into the bathroom and sees his mother naked. The little boy in awe says, “Mommy, what is that?!” His mother replied with, “Ahh, it’s my black sponge…now, go outside and play.” The next day, the little boy once again walked into the bathroom and saw his mother naked. The little boy asked, “Mommy, what happened to your black sponge?” The mother replied, “I lost it…now, go outside and play.” The next day, the little boy…

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What’s a ‘GOTCHA’?

A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse, looking as though he’s just escaped a tornado. “What’s wrong?” a woman asked. “I just lost a game to Houlihan,” the pro said. “What? But Houlihan’s the worst player I’ve ever seen. How could HE have beaten YOU?” “He tricked me,” the pro said. “On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes–any handicap he wanted. He said, “Just give me two…

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Bad Timing

It was early one Saturday morning. A friend of mine called to warn me of a group of Jehovah Witnesses working our neighborhood. I thought it would be funny if I appeared at the door totally nude and holding a beer. I looked out the window and saw a man in a suit, a well-dressed woman and two young girls carrying what looked like a bag. As soon as the doorbell rang, I opened it. Acting very drunk, I asked…

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Fill ‘er up!

A burly, muscular rancher returned home a day earlier from his trip to the city to deliver a herd of cattle. When he entered the bedroom, the rancher found his wife naked in bed getting it on with his ranch foreman. Angrily, the rancher grabbed his foreman by the neck and proceeded to choke him until the foreman lost consciousness. When the foreman came to after being splashed in the face with water, he found himself in the barn all…

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Read JokeFill ‘er up!

Blonde Man

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your wardrobe and he’s got no clothes on!” The guy slams the phone…

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Read JokeBlonde Man