Score Jokes - page 4

Two elderly sisters donated $25 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to the Superbowl. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. “I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!” They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half. They enjoyed…

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Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…

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The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some of them decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, “Hey! We need to get back!” “No need to panic,” said…

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My game and your breath are the two strongest things on the court You’re just like your girl …easy to score on I believe in recycling because I’m going to use you over and over

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There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…

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There was a strange performance at the LA Philarmonic the other day… It was Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, and it was dedicated to Sammy Sosa… He and his wife got a standing ovation as they took their front-row seats… As the orchestra began to play, the Base players, who don’t have any part until an hour into the Symphony, began to get bored…they held a whispered conversation, and decided to slip quietly out to the Lobby for a few drinks…so they…

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