S yard Jokes - page 7

An elderly couple suffering from deteriorating memory signed up for a power memory class to improve their memories. The power memory method taught them to remember things by associating these with familiar objects. After completing the 5-day course, the old man was discussing the merits of the course with a neighbor in his backyard. The old man claimed, “Signing up for that power memory class was one of the best things I’ve ever done.” The neighbor asked, “So who was…

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(Please don’t take offense to any of these, have fun and the best one is at the end) WHAT DO YOU CALL A QUADRAPLEGIC … Swimming… Bob Holding on to someones neck… Ty Lying on your porch… Matt In a hole… Phil Lying on the bathroom floor with his mouth open… John Floating in your toilet… Apu Hanging from a tree branch… Leif Under a car… Jack On the end of a shovel… Doug Lying in your yard with a…

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After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., this father finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw away the directions, and in a short while, had the set completely assembled. “It’s beyond me,” said the father, “how you got it together without even reading the instructions.” “To tell you the truth,” replied the old-timer, “I can’t read, and when you…

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A girl and this guy have been going out for a long time when she finally says, “I have got to have you NOW!” He says, “How?” “Well, there’s a tree in my backyard. You can put me in it then fuck me.” He agrees, so they go in the backyard and he puts her in the tree and they do it. He takes her down and she goes inside to her room. Finally his conscience gets to him and…

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“BIT” = A wager as in, “I bit you cain’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.” “BYTE” = First word in a kiss-off phrase. “CURSOR” = What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. “FLOPPY” = When ya’ll can’t get it up no more. “DIGITAL CONTROL” = What yore fingers do on the TV remote. “HARD DRIVE” = Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires while pulling a trailer…

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There was a hound dog lying in the yard, and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. “Excuse me, Sir, but does your dog bite?” the tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, “Nope.” As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling and then attacked both the man’s arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, “I thought you…

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