Bill Gates dead
Go into Word and type in the sentence I’d like to see Bill Gates dead. Highlight the whole sentence. Go into “Tools” and hit the “Thesaurus”… interesting
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
S type Jokes - page 5
Hygienic Blonde
A pretty blonde woman asks the young male clerk in the drugstore for some bottom deodorant. The clerk, somewhat bemused, explains to the blonde that they don’t sell ‘bottom’ deodorant . . .just the underarm type. The blonde, undismayed, assures the clerk that she has been buying ‘bottom’ deodorant here for several years, is quite satisfied with the product, and would like more. The puzzled clerk asks the phamacist if he can help the young lady. The pharmacist smiles and…
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Puns Spoken Here…..
One witch told another witch, “I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker.” Don’t bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party. He won’t show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they’re all transparent. You don’t have to worry about Daylight Savings Time at Halloween. The holiday is always on Green Witch Mean Time. Western Union opened an office in a graveyard so the spooks could send and receive cryptograms. Vampire pick-up line “What’s your…
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Dilbert Quotes
A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submittals. 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. 3. E-mail is not to be…
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dirty pipi joke
On his third marriage already, Mr. Jones wanted to start a new life with a virginal young woman, since his marriages to worldly types were unsuccessful. He searched the country for a young innocent female — he classified by asking a simple question. Upon meeting a young lady he’d show them a picture of his member and ask them what it was. If the response was “dick” the lady was dirty and not worth marrying. After interviewing hundreds of ladies…
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Is THAT what friends are for?
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, “You know, girls, I have known you all a long time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Keptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you, and I never will. We have been friends for too long.” The second lady says, “Well, since we are having true confessions, I must get something off my chest, too. I am a Nymphomaniac.…
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Surgery
Four surgeons were sitting around a table, talking about which type of people they like to operate on. “I like to operate on librarians,” says the first one. “When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order.” “I like to operate on accountants,” said the second one. “When you open them up, they are in numerical order.” “I like to operate on engineers.” said the third one. “They will understand if you end up with some extra parts.” The…
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68 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clock to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, “I need some…
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Initials you should AVOID using!
Just a word of advice to online folks who frequent the chatrooms and gamerooms. This is not only “funny” but really happened: I wanted to say, “GOOD FOR YOU!” to a person in an online gameroom, after she defeated me. (I’m a great loser, because I lose so often.) I typed the following: “GFY!” Try to imagine my embarrassment when my opponent very angrily pointed out to me that “GFY!” could be interpreted as, “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”
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Waiting at the Pearly Gates
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter reviews the Big Book to see if the man?s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, ?I?m sorry, I don?t see your name written in the Big Book.? ?How current is your copy?? asks the man. ?I get a download every ten minutes,? St. Peter replies, ?Why do you ask?? ?I?m embarrassed to admit it, but…
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