Restroom time Jokes - page 2

New and Improved Policies

Memo To: All Employees Subject: New Policies Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse…

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Call Guinness

Three midgets were sitting at a tavern one afternoon. One of the midgets, sat quietly,staring at his hands for the longest time. Before long his friend asked him,” Hey, what the hell are you doing?” “Well”, he exclaimed, “I was just noticing that I have the smallest hands of anyone I have ever seen!” ” Oh yeah”, said his partner, “you think that’s bad you should see my feet” Just then the third midget returned from the restroom and questioned,…

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Another Marine vs. Sailor Joke

A Marine enters the restroom and sees a sailor standing at the urinal, fussing with the thirteen buttons on his pants. The Marine says, “It must be a pain in the ass to have to mess with all those buttons every time you take a piss.” The sailor replies, “Yes it is! If I were a Marine, all I’d have to do is take off my hat.”

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Everything’s Bigger In Texas

There is a blind man on his way to Texas for the first time. He is on the airplane, and he is in First Class. He goes to his seat, and feels them, they are huge. He asks the stewardess, “Aren’t these seats kinda’ big?” She replies, “Oh, everything’s bigger in Texas.” Then he gets to Texas, and he goes to his room. He walks, and walks and didn’t hit the wall for a few minutes, and he was walking…

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Vomit on the Shirt

A gentleman spent several hours after work one evening drinking excessively. After gulping down a triple shot of bourbon, he began to feel extremely nauseous. He made a run to the men’s room, but he vomited all over his shirt before he could reach the toilet. “Oh, for the Love of God! My wife is gonna kill me!! I’m not supposed to be out drinking at all and here I am, with alcohol stinking vomit all over my shirt!!” “Not…

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