Rest of the day Jokes - page 5

A Man’s View of Marriage

1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!” 2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested. 3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog. 4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. 5. Young son: Is it…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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Advice for Employers Regarding Women Employees

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This was serious and written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II – a mere 54 years ago! Obviously, the intent was not to be “funny,” but by today’s standards, this is hilarious! For those of you with efficiency issues, pay attention to #8. ———————————— Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees: There’s no longer any question whether…

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traffic court

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. “What for?” he snapped at the judge. His…

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Meanest, Toughest Cowboy

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first one says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is! Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands.” The second one can’t stand to be bested. “Why that’s…

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How to Make Babies

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what! We learned how to make babies today.” The mother, more than a little surprised, asked fearfully, “That’s interesting. How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the little girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”

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You might be a redneck if ……

You might be a redneck if …. 1. You have a complete set of salad bowls that say “cool whip” on the side . 2. If the biggest city you have ever been to is wal-mart . 3. If you thought the unibomber was a wrestler . 4. If you use you ironing table as a buffet table . 5. If your neighbor thinks you’re a cop because you come home in a cop car every day . 6. If…

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You are from a small town, when…..

During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids. You are related to more than half the town. You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do. Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic. You don’t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. You don’t put too much effort into hairstyles due…

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D. H. Lawrence

A city gent is walking out of a tube station when a beggar accosts him and asks him for money for some food. The city gent replies: “Neither a lender nor a borrower be – William Shakespeare” and walks off. A few days later the beggar is wandering down a country lane when he sees the same city gent with the hood of his Rolls Royce up. The city gent says: “I say! Could you give me a push to…

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