Red ant Jokes - page 3

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and…

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Eight Rules to Follow when Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule…

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While living, in Hawaii during the 1980s, I was privileged to watch several episodes of “MAGNUM P.I.” being filmed, on location. When the Director calls for the cameras to roll, prior to calling for “Action!,” the camera operator responds that the camera is rolling and that the film has reached the required speed through the lens aperture. During one shoot at the Chinese Cultural Center in Honolulu, actor Tom Selleck was in one of his mischievous moods, and the following…

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One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant for dinner. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his…

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Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly, leaning forward to receive his “payment.” The girl snapped up the…

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One day this guy is sitting on a park bench eating a bald eagle. A cop comes by and says..”Hey fella…What do you think you are doing? That is an endangered species! You can’t kill it and eat it!” The cop arrests him and takes him to jail… The next day he goes to court and the judge says, “Sir, do you realize that a bald eagle is an endangered species and you can spend up to 5 years in…

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A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks’ door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. “Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,” said the skinny man. “Okay, see that giant redwood over there?” said the lumberjack.…

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