Raisin Jokes - page 2

A Letter to Our Government

Dear Sir, My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with…

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Read JokeA Letter to Our Government

51 Days

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows.…

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Read Joke51 Days

The Sad Passing of a Legend

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others. The graveside was piled high in flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who ?never knew how much…

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Ben & Jerry’s Presidential flavours

Ben & Jerry’s new presidential flavors: THE FLAVORS Double Nut Joy Impeach-Mint Subpoenas ‘n’ Cream Chubby Cheatin’ Hubby Candy Pants Chilly Hillbilly Pants-offio Pistachio Horny Bubba Crunch Arkansas Peach Subpoena Butter Cup Peppermint Fatty Captain Cream Tubby Bubba Hillary Chiller Fundraising Coffee Oval Office Surprise Arkansas Smoothie Subpoena Colada Hyperactive Nuts Scandalberry

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Read JokeBen & Jerry’s Presidential flavours

Some abbreviations for the Chatrooms

\_/ \_/………………..Soda (~~)? (~~)3…………Coffee mugs (_)?……….Tea cups (fine china) [%]D..Hot cocoa w/mini marshmallows (#$#$#$#$#$).Plate of hash browns and onions [:::] [:::]………Poptarts for all (sgeg)===……Pan of scrambled eggs >> @–>–>– ……………….A rose ())))___crayola___)))>…..Crayolas (::waving::)……………..Waving {{{screen name here}}}…..Personal Cyber hugs {{{ }}}…………..Lots of Hugs 🙂 …………………….Smile or :o) ……with round nose (:D) ………………….Big Grin :o…………………….Surprised :O………………REALLY Surprised :D……………..Laughing/smiling :oD…………………..with nose :+ or :o+………………Kiss :* or :o*………………Whistle 😉 or ;o)………………Wink 😡 or :ox…….My lips are sealed }:(……………………..Mad 🙁 or :o(………………Frown :'( or :,(…

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Read JokeSome abbreviations for the Chatrooms

I believe

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Everyday, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, “She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn’t she know there isn’t a God?” Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying “Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don’t you know there is no God?” But she kept on praying.…

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Embarrassed

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked “If I understand, you’re saying there is as much glucose in male semen as there is in sugar? “That’s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?” After a stunned…

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Bill Clinton Statue Committee

Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Buffoon Street Little Rock, AR 72205 Dear Friend: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising 5 million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the hall of fame in Washington, DC. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was not wise to place it beside George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth,…

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Read JokeBill Clinton Statue Committee