Rain Jokes - page 19

surgery

What song did the guy sing after he had his kidney removed? (Tune of I can see cleary now the the rain is gone) I can pee frealy now the pain is gone,I can remove all the obstacles in side.

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TECHNIQUES ON BEING AN EFFECTIVE EMPLOYEE

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they?re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they?re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.…

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The Deer Hunter

It was Saturday morning as Jack, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife Annie sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. “What you are doing up and dressed like that?” he asks. “I’m going hunting with you”, Annie smiles. Jack reluctantly agrees to take her along, and when they reach the hunting site,…

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Famous Quotes About Drinking…..

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. –Ernest Hemmingway Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. –Winston Churchill He was a wise man, who invented beer. –Plato Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. –Lady Astor to Winston Churchill Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. –Churchill’s reply When I read about…

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Stormy Knight

Sir Lancelot was out riding one night and it was storming, rain, wind and hail. His horse slipped and fell and broke his leg. Sir Lancelot had to leave him there. On foot, he came to an Inn. He asked the Innkeeper if he had a horse because his mission for the king was very important. The Innkeeper said, “I’m sorry but the only animal I have is a Great Dane dog.” Sir Lancelot looked at the dog and after…

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Beer drinking…101

Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Fault: Glass Empty Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backwards. Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.…

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Bubba

Four men are in a training class. The professor asks the first man what is the fastest thing you know. He replied, “Thoughts. They go to your brain before you know it.” The professor said, “That’s a good one,” he turned to the next man and asked him what was the fasted thing he knew. The 2nd man replied “Blinking your eye.” The professor said, “That’s a real good one too.” He turned to the 3rd man and asked him…

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Bush in Office

December 30, 2004/Washington, D.C.(Associated Press) After four years of legal wrangling, George W. Bush was finally declared the winner of the 2000 Presidential Election yesterday. Bush, a Republican, will take the oath of office at noon today and serves until January 20, 2005, a term of about three weeks. Then he gives way to the undisputed winner of the 2004 Presidential Election, New York Senator Hillary Rodham Greenspan (formerly Clinton). Facing a drastically shortened presidency, Bush attempted to strike an…

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What Women want from Men 1 – 10

ONE- Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright. TWO- If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don’t try to subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim. THREE- Quit blowing smoke up women’s asses about the sanctity and power they possess as life-givers and come up with some decent affordable child care. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and get off welfare, and we won’t have to listen to any more…

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Auto I.D.

Be on the lookout for the following personalities last seen cruising in these automobiles… A Pyromaniac in a Blazer… A barber in a Seville… A seamstress in a Dart… An insurance adjuster in an Acclaim… A construction worker in a Bobcat… A creature in a black Laguna… A theater manager in a Marquis… An astronomer in an Eclipse… An exterminator in a Beetle… A spiritualist in an Aurora… An orator in a Civic… A country singer in a blue Neon……

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