Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
I, the undersigned, a male proposing marriage agree that? Section 1. In the likely event of my not giving you an orgasm, will keep on going, despite my lack of stamina and size until you have been satisfied. Section 1.01. I?ll behave myself in a mature manner and fight the temptation to scream ?Who?s your daddy? and grunt like a sea lion. Section 1.02. I will never complain about too much foreplay. Section 2. I fully understand that a man?s…
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A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb. due to very serious health risk. As he wondered how the heck he was ever going to do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. “Guaranteed like hell,” he thought to himself, but desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the 3-day, 10-lb. weight loss program. The next day there was a knock at the door and when he answered,…
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In the Beginning was the plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.” And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth: “It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor Thereof” And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth…
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A young friend of Albert Einstein’s proudly presented his eighteen-month-old son to the great scientist. The child looked up into the old man’s smiling face and promptly began to howl. Einstein patted him on the head and said fondly, “You’re the first person for years who has told me what you really think of me.”
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These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honour of the GM’s fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. “NO VA” means, of course, in Spanish, “it doesn’t go”. 1. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?” 2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It…
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The pentagon recently found it had too many Generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any General who retired straight away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring General’s body between two points he chose. (Something Congress came up with!) The first General accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out…
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John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers. 1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended 6. measures to complete his work, sometimes…
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We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for tories of unusual behavior by job applicants. ************************************** The lowlights: ************** 1. “… stretched out…
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Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused. She said she didn’t believe in capital punishment and didn’t want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. The public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. “Madam,” he explained, “this is not a murder trial! It’s a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case…
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A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.’” “See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my…
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