Presiden Jokes - page 19

Saving the prez!!

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidently tripped and fell off a bridge into the cold water below… Three 10 year old boys were playing along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and saved him and dragged him to shore. He was so thankful that he told each of them, “Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you deserve a reward.” The first boy says,…

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Al Gore as a Beverly Hillbilly :)

Sung to the tune of “The ballad of Jed Clampett” From the BEVERLY HILLBILLIES Submitted by Rena Come and listen to my story ’bout a man named Gore A snippy Democrat, who was really quite a bore On election day of his Presidential bout He thought he lost the fight but he got to recount ballots that is… punch cards… butterflies Well the next thing you know they’re countin’ ’em again He lost a second time so he gave it…

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The Plan

In the Beginning was the plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.” And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth: “It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor Thereof” And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth…

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Butterball Turkey Talk-Line’s Greatest Hits

Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls — inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they’re heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck (“Will it…

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Hillary’s Gas Station

President Clinton and Hillary were back in Arkansas visiting their old stomping grounds. While they were driving around, they saw that they needed gas, so they pulled into a gas station. Lo and behold, the owner of the gas station was one of Hillary’s old boyfriends. So they shot the breeze and talked about old times. After they drove away, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “See, now if you had married that guy, you’d be part owner…

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Signs Your Co-Worker is a Computer Hacker

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill. Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running. When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.” Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments. Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons. Instead of the “Welcome”…

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How Life will be Different Now That Hillary’s Moved Out

Top 10 ways the White House will be different now that Hillary has moved out: 10. President no longer sleeps alone. 9. Faucets in master bathroom now dispense scented massage oil and gravy. 8. Forget dress-down Friday—now all-nude Friday and pantless Monday through Thursday. 7. Volumes of Hillary fan mail redirected to new house. 6. Hillary no longer writing volumes of fan mail to herself. 5. No pressure to cuddle. 4. Token male intern transferred out. 3. Oval office now…

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Why it’s Great To Be A Guy

Why It’s GREAT To Be A Guy Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Foreplay is optional. You…

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