Pool Jokes - page 6

Your Mama

Yo mama is so fat that she has to use diet soap to lose weight. Yo mama so black that if she wore a silver coat she’ll look like a Hersey’s kiss. Yo mama’s cooking is so bad that the homeless give it back. Yo mama so old that Jesus personally autographed her Bible. Yo mama so dumb that she drowned in a carpool.

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The Maid

A guy calls home from work and a strange woman answers the phone. The guy says,”Who is this?” “This is the maid,” answers the woman. “We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.” “Oh. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I just naturally figured was her husband.” He’d always suspected, but now he knows. He says to the maid, “Listen, would…

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Duty Calls

A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: “Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?” the voice on the other end asks. “Well, Sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson’s command jeep.” “Soldier, do you know to whom you are speaking?” “No, Sir.” “This is Major Johnson, your commander!” “Uh, Sir? Do you know whom you are…

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Love at First Sight

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Funny E-mail Addresses

When creating email addresses, many colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and middle initial to either the beginning or end. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may occur when there is a large and diverse pool of accounts. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses. TOP TEN…

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Everything’s Bigger In Texas

There is a blind man on his way to Texas for the first time. He is on the airplane, and he is in First Class. He goes to his seat, and feels them, they are huge. He asks the stewardess, “Aren’t these seats kinda’ big?” She replies, “Oh, everything’s bigger in Texas.” Then he gets to Texas, and he goes to his room. He walks, and walks and didn’t hit the wall for a few minutes, and he was walking…

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the millionaire’s party

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. “I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.” So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash…

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Horoscopes for Southerners

It has become pretty obvious to me that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I’m out driving around I’ll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I’ll even see a ram. Up the street from me there’s some twins, but I don’t see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions, or scorpions,…

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Welcome to New York

Charles and Christine Benson are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After twenty four hours of driving, they decide to stay overnight in New York, and continue on to Boston in the morning. They check in to the Hilton and go right to bed. As they are checking out the following morning, Mr. Benson is presented a bill for $650. “This is outrageous”, he complains to the Manager. “The room was supposed to be $150.” “Well, Sir,” explains…

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