Plan b Jokes - page 34

Top 10 signs you’ve joined a cheap HMO

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 9. Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.” 8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 7. Only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter. 6. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is “an apple a day.” 5. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 4. “Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a typo.…

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Read JokeTop 10 signs you’ve joined a cheap HMO

Johnny’s Tantrum

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by Little Johnny, who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, Little Johnny continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the…

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Read JokeJohnny’s Tantrum

The Last Laugh

A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket; if he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver…

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Read JokeThe Last Laugh

The Voice

A man hears a voice in his head one day, “Quit your job, sell your house, take all the money and go to Las Vegas.” He hears it a few times a day. Soon it’s bugging him every minute of the day. “Quit your job, sell your house, take all the money and go to Las Vegas.” Finally he quits his job, sells his house, and splits for Vegas. As soon as he gets off the plane the voice says,…

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Clinton’s Whiskey and Soda

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!” The President then handed his drink…

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Read JokeClinton’s Whiskey and Soda

Cheapest Long Distance

Classmates at college were lamenting the high cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI and Sprint. “I’ve found CTC to be the cheapest plan around,” offered one student. “CTC? I’ve never heard of them. Who are they?” “Oh, you know,” he responded. “Call Them Collect.”

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Read JokeCheapest Long Distance

Head Hog

One day a man called the church office and said, “Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?” The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, “I’m sorry, who?” The caller repeated, “Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?” She said, “Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as ‘Pastor,’ or ‘Brother,’ but I prefer that you not refer to him as the ‘head hog at the trough’!”…

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Clinton’s trip to Africa

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. “The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.” President Clinton frowned. “Russian roulette’s not a very friendly game.” The African leader smiled. “That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our…

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Read JokeClinton’s trip to Africa

Star Wars is better than Titanic

Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it. It would be much scarier to get…

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Read JokeStar Wars is better than Titanic