Pis Jokes - page 9

Saint Patrick

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy.” “Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.” Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn’t care!” “You just don’t know how to set him off,…

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Why Cucumbers are Better than Men

The average cucumber is at least six inches long Cucumbers stay hard for a week A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count Cucumbers don’t get too excited A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety Cucumbers are easy to pick up You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home Cucumbers can get away any weekend With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check…

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actuary

Do you know why a male actuary always uses the urinal closest to the wall? Because there is a 50% less risk of someone pissing on his shoes.

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The Little Blue Smurf

A little blue smurf walked into a bar and hit his hand on the bar. The bartender then put a beer in front of the smurf and carried on making drinks for the others at the bar. A biker noticed but didn’t say anything. About five minutes later, the smurf jumped on the bar and took a swig of his beer. The biker laughed, and the smurf stared at him. The little blue creature then ran down the bar, stuck…

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Things girls think guys should know

1. Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out. 2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don’t say you understand when you don’t. 4. Girls are petty, get over it. 5. You don’t have PMS; don’t act like you know what it’s like. 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 7. If you talk about having a big…

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Backfired Plan

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested that the man could solve his problem by startling himself whenever he thought that he was going to ejaculate. So, the man went directly to a sporting goods store and bought a starter pistol. Then he went home to try the doctor’s advice. When he got home, he found his wife waiting for him on their bed, naked! So he ripped off…

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Smurf in the Bar.

One day a smurf walks into a biker bar, jumps onto a stool, then the counter and orders a beer. After downing the beer the smurf looks down to the far end of the bar and sees the biggest biker in the place. He then runs down to the biker, looks him square in the eyes, smiles from ear-to-ear, sticks his face in the biker’s beer and goes “bbbbbbb.” After taking his face out of the biker’s beer he runs…

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Bragging rights

Four men went golfing together one day; the three men started for the first tee while the other went to pay his bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home – for free!” The second man said “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that…

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The Amazing Compilation Wish Completer Survey Quiz

This Amazing Compilation Wish Completer Survey Quiz is quite astounding. One young man in Grasklebakistaninopleopolis recieved a brand new goat for simply filling out this survey and taking the quiz. TRY IT YOURSELF, IT WILL REVEAL EVERYTHING BURRIED IN YOUR SOUL!!! **Full name: It is spelled George Robertson, but pronounced Franklin O’Henry Ftang Ftang Ole Biscuit-barrel **Nickname: The Pope **Favorite color out of, muave, off-white, Asia Minor, Cindy Crawford: Elm Tree **Favorite drink, mountain dew or crab juice? Parlezvous Frances?…

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The Saw

There was this construction worker on the 7th floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself. He tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get one for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eye (meaning “I”) then pointed…

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