Photograph Jokes - page 2

The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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Medical Mural

Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight-saving operation on the wife of the country’s most celebrated pop artist. In addition to paying the doctor’s usual fee, he had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor’s waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multi-colored picture of…

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Taking Photos from the Air

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His…

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Dear John Letter

A soldier serving overseas and far from home was very bitter and terribly upset when his girl wrote that she was breaking off their engagement and wanted her photograph back. Being a sort of creative fellow, he went out and collected all the unwanted photographs that he could find from his buddies, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following: “Dear Mary, Regret cannot remember which one of these is of you…please keep…

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Pictures mailed home

A man at a nudist camp got a letter from his mother asking for a picture. Since the only pictures he had were taken in the nude, he cut one in half and mailed her the part showing him only from the waist up. His mom wrote back after receiving the photograph and said, “Thanks for the picture. Can your grandma have one too?” The guy thought, “Since grandma can’t see well, I’ll just give her the bottom half,” and…

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5 yo ugly mama jokes

Yo mama’s so ugly she is Pentagon’s secret weapon. Yo mama is so ugly her photograph was Dr.Kevorkian’s favourite tool. Yo mama is so ugly CIA uses her picture to make Russian spies speak. Yo mama is so ugly that when Fox Mulder saw her he said “I knew they were here!” Yo mama is so ugly that plan B in “Armageddon” was to make the asteroid turn by launching her picture into the orbit.

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Can You Read Their Minds?

Looking at a recent photograph of the First Family and their dog Buddy posing on the White House lawn, I couldn’t help but imagine what they were thinking of when that picture was taken. Looking at Hillary Rodham Clinton’s serious, half-smiling expression, I imagined her thinking, “I wonder where I can get hold of Lorena Bobbitt’s phone number.” Looking at daughter Chelsea’s smiling face with a knowing expression, I imagined this thought going through her mind, “Now I know why…

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Making the News

A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon to meet a deadline. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of…

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run

2 photographers are filming lions in the African plains when the lions notice them and begin to walk towards them. One photographer starts to change into a pair of Nike running shoes. ‘No use doing that, you’ll never out run a lion,’ the second photographer says The first guy replies, ‘I don’t give a fuck about the lion, as long as I outrun you I’ll be fine.’

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