Pee Jokes - page 3

The Marriage Counselor

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without…

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Traffic Violations

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit, when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again–even more slowly. Another flash! He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. “This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought. He planned to mention the…

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Free Advice from Kids

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14 3. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14 4. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9 5. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13 6. Don’t squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13 7. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells…

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Quicker than the Patch

I was puzzled when a friend with a local newspaper remarked: “I think I’ll take a look at who has given up smoking today.” Thinking that the paper had come up with a novel, human-interest column, I peered over his shoulder, only to find that he was looking at the death notices!

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a Blond and a car

There was a blonde driving a car, and all was going fine until the car started speeding up it hit a lot of bumps and she was thrown off , but her foot was caught in a wire her head was bouncing dangerously close to the ground. Just when she was about to give up hope, a Walmart employee came out and unplugged the car.

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Why are men…

Why are men like lawn mowers? If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it. Why is a hard man good to find? You don’t have to stay up half the night massaging his ego. How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix? It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway. What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run or don’t fit right…

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yo mama is so stupid

Yo mama is so stupid that she dialed 911 on the microwave. Yo mama is so stupid she stole free bread. Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in a Grocery store and starved. Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in the Bathroom and peeded in her pants.

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Holy Water

Once, there were three nuns who always did what the priest told them to do. One day, the priest said, “You three have been very good. You can each go out and do one bad thing.” So, the nuns left. After about one hour, the first nun came back. “I ran over a kids’ bike,” she said. “Your sins are forgiven. Go drink of the holy water,” the priest said. Then, another nun came back. “I beat up the kid,”…

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One for the Road

A group of sisters from a local convent were out for their Sunday bike ride through the suburbs. They were quite a sight–seven in a row on one of those seven- seater tandem bikes, headed, of course, by Mother Superior. They went over a speed bump. In unison, they all let out an excited “OOOOOOOOOO!” Mother Superior turned around and looked at them sternly. She admonished the nuns, “Sisters, you must quiet down!” They went over another bump, “OOOOOOOO!” Mother…

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