Pee Jokes - page 21

Another Dumb Polish Joke

During his last visit to the United States, Pope John Paul II was interviewed by Barbara Walters for one of her TV specials. In the interview, Ms. Walters asked the Pope if he had any pet peeves. The Pope nodded and said, “I have two.” “Can you tell us what they are?” asked Ms. Walters. “Certainly,” said the Pope. “The first would be those stupid Polish jokes. These jokes are really demeaning and insulting to us Poles. We are portrayed…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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Bricklayer’s Poor Planning

This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is this Bricklayer’s report … a true story. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer…

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Most Useful Word in English

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word “fuck.” Out of all the English words that begin with the letter “F”, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the “f” word. It’s one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German — the word ‘flicken’ which means to strike. In English fuck…

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Bob and Fred Go Fishing

Bob and Fred are fishing in the lake when one lands a corked bottle. He pulls the cork, and a genie comes out. “For freeing me from the bottle, I will grant you anything you wish,” says the genie. Bob looks down at the empty cooler in the boat and says, “I wish this lake was filled with beer.” There is the sound of a small poof, and suddenly the entire lake is filled with beer. Bob looks at Fred…

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How Little Johnny Got His New Bike…

Little Johnny’s father just comes home from a long business trip. He finds Little Johnny riding a very fancy new 10-speed bike. He asks Little Johnny, “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.” “Easy, Dad…,” Little Johnny replies. “I earned it from hiking.” “Come on,” his father says. “Tell me the truth.” “That is the truth,” insists Little Johnny. “Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over…

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Shower Power

How To Shower Like A Woman: 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat. 4. Get in the shower.…

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Can It Get More Embarrassing Than This?

The following are two of the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest: “While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said…

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35 Fun Things to Do While Driving

35 Fun Things to do When Driving 1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged. 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang. 3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling. 4. Two words: Chicken suit. 5. Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. 6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector…

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