Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went town shopping. He decided to go fishing, and he had to take her along. “I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!” “Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said. The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait!”
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When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: “Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love YOU so much that we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day…
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Yo mama so blind she got hit by a parked car. Yo mama so fat instead of God saying let there be light he said, “Get your fat ass out of the way.” Yo mama so dumb she took the pepsi challange and chose jif. Yo mama so big you can go bowling with her boogers. Yo mama so fat her buttcheeks look like two pigs fighting over a milk dud. Yo mama so fuckin ugly when she was a…
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On the campaign trail, the mayor running for re-election walks up to a house of his campaign adviser and rings the doorbell. When a small boy opens the door, the mayor introduces himself, “Hello there, little boy! What’s your name?” “Little Johnny,” replies the small boy. “Well, Little Johnny, I’m Mayor Hoffman. I’m running for re-election. Can I speak to your father?” “He’s in the shower right now,” answers Little Johnny with a giggle. “Oh! Well, is your mother in…
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Subject: 40 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by actual journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope…
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Then: Long hair. Now: Longing for hair. Then: Keg Now: EKG. Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux. Then: Moving to California because it’s cool. Now: Moving to California because it’s hot. Then: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents. Now: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kids. Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. Then: Our president’s struggle with Fidel. Now: Our president’s struggle…
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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded. “I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?” “I have an aunt and uncle living here in…
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The best thing about moving back to my hometown was seeing so many familiar faces. One day, in the grocery store, I recognized a man who had been a good friend of my parents. He noticed me staring, so I quickly introduced myself as John and Helen’s daughter. “Helen’s daughter!” he exclaimed. “Oh, such a beautiful lady!” He called to his wife,”Martha, come and see Helen’s daughter. You remember Helen–such a beautiful lady.” “Oh, yes,” Martha replied. “She was always…
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I had to take my son’s hamster to the vet. Here’s what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. “He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “Oldest trick in the book,” I informed him. “You go in to see what’s wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you…
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An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path. Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. I don’t get even, I…
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