Parents Jokes - page 7

While my parents were painting their bedroom, my five-year-old sister walked in and asked, “What the hell are you doing?” Not realizing what she had said, she casually turned and walked out. After she left, my stunned dad then turned to my mother and asked, “Where the hell did she learn to talk like that?”

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Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together. As time…

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Two little boys, both aged nine, were set to appear in their first play. The first boy had to say, “Ah fair maiden, I’ve come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope.” The second little boy was to say, “Hark, a pistol shot.” On opening night, the two boys were very nervous. It was their first time on stage and their parents were in the front row. The first little boy came out and said, “Ah fair…

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The following are two of the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest: “While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said…

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Teacher to a third grade student: “Billy, if both your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?” Billy: “It depends.” Teacher: “It depends on what?” Billy: “It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”

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A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he’d been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the dinner the young man realized he couldn’t hold it in one-second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.…

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Lil’ polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom am I 100% pure Polar Bear?” Mother Bear says, “Why yes, son, you are! If you do not believe me, go ask your Pops.” So the lil’ polar bear goes to Pops and asks, “Pops, am I 100% pure polar bear?” The father answers, “Well let’s see… my mom and Pop were both pure Polar Bears, so were your grandparents on your mom’s side and both your mom and I…

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