Ox Jokes - page 4

The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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A dog’s life

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember…. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. I will…

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Stupid People Should Advertise

Stupid people should have to wear signs that say, “I’M STUPID!” That would save the rest of us “normal” folks a lot of headaches. We wouldn’t rely on them or expect much from them. It would be like, “Oh, excuse me. Never mind. I just noticed your sign.” It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes, and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?”…

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The perfect gift idea

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined!” “It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer. “Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?” “No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court.” Within the course of time, the judge rendered a…

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Read JokeThe perfect gift idea

Do You Live Here?

Father Delany was walking home after his sermon late one night when he came upon an intoxicated tramp on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the man, “Do you live here?” “Yesh,” the man slowly replied. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” the father asked. “Yesh,” the man slowly sputtered. When they got up to the second floor, the father asked, “Is this your floor?” “Yesh,” the man again replied. Then Father Delany got to thinking that…

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Read JokeDo You Live Here?

Your Life

So you think your life is bad. Just think how bad the life of the egg is… You only get laid once! You only get eaten once! It takes 4 minutes to get hard 2 minutes to get soft You have to share a box with 11 other guys And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother. (Now don’t you feel better)

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When you’re REALLY drunk

A man walks into the front door of a tavern, obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, belches, and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink and could not be served additional alcohol at this bar, and would he like a cab to be called for him. The drunk is briefly surprised, then quietly grumbles as he gets…

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Go fish

A country lad applied for a salesman job at a city department store. In fact, it was the largest store in the world. The boss asked, “Have you ever been a salesman before?” “Yes, I was a salesman in the country,” said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said. “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come by when we close to see how you’re doing.” The day was long and arduous for the lad, but finally…

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Read JokeGo fish