Own a car Jokes - page 53

Signs Your Co-Worker is a Computer Hacker

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill. Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running. When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.” Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments. Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons. Instead of the “Welcome”…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeSigns Your Co-Worker is a Computer Hacker

Blind Date

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate. “Terrible!” answered the roommate. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.” “Wow! That’s a very expensive car! What’s so bad about that?” “He was the original owner.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBlind Date

Top 10 Reasons I Should’ve Stayed Single

10. I’d get to see what my paycheck looks like. 9. I’d get to see what my credit cards look like. 8. I’d remember what an erection looks like. 7. Bachelors don’t have Mother-in-laws. 6. I could use my own name at hotels. 5. I wouldn’t have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere. 4. You can see other women better when you don’t have to look out the corner of your eye. 3. When asked his…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTop 10 Reasons I Should’ve Stayed Single

MORE ‘Male Bashing’ Q&A

Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it’s never used. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man, than for a women? Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. What’s the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. How many men…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeMORE ‘Male Bashing’ Q&A

Damn the Luck

A young, lonely guy driving across the country decided to pick up a stunning, blonde hitchhiker. A few miles into the trek, the blonde started coming onto him, so needless to say, he pulled over to the side of the desolate, deserted road so she could give him some oral pleasure. Once his pants were down around his ankles, the blonde surprised him with a gun and bound his wrists to his ankles. Then, she robbed him of his wallet…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDamn the Luck

Advice From Men To Women

GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS: 1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location. 2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing. 3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeAdvice From Men To Women

How to screw up an interview

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for tories of unusual behavior by job applicants. ************************************** The lowlights: ************** 1. “… stretched out…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHow to screw up an interview

The guy with the Speech Impediment

There was a guy with a speech impediment, and he went into a grocery store, and said, “Do you have any bum?” And then guy behind the counter said, “Bum, what’s bum?” The other guy says, “Bum, you know that stuff you put in your mouth and chew.” The guy behind the counter says, “Oh, you mean gum!” And the guy with the speech impediment says, “Ya, bum.” So, he buys his gum and goes to a hardware store, and…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe guy with the Speech Impediment

Rules that guys wished girls knew

* If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. * Learn to work the toilet seat. When the lid is up, put it down. * Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to find that perfect present….again. * If you ask a question you don’t want an answered, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. * Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it. * Sunday sports — it’s like the full moon, or the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeRules that guys wished girls knew

Good Dog

A butcher was about to close up shop one night when a dog walked in, carrying a paper bag in its mouth. The butcher tried to shoo the dog away, but it wouldn’t leave. Instead it set the bag down and barked at it. So the butcher looked inside of the bag, and found some money and a note. The note said: 1 lb Italian sausage 2 lbs Pork chops So the butcher filled the order, made change for the…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeGood Dog