Orange Jokes - page 4

yo mama

yo mama so fat, she fell in love and broke it. yo mama so fat she fell into the sea and the whales sang, “We are family…” yo mama so stupid she spent 20 min. staring at an orange juice carton cause it said, “Concentrate.” yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor looked at her head and butt and said, “Twins!”

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Definitely

A nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?” First a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.” Teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray or orange, or……” Second a little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.” “Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.” Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: “Does a fart have lumps?” The Teacher looks horrified and…

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A Perfect Day…

THE PERFECT DAY – FOR HER -8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses -8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday -8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents – expensive jewelery chosen by thoughtful partner -9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil -10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer -10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry -12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe -12.45 Catch sight of husband/ boyfriend’s…

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It shows you’re thinking

One day a teacher was doing an activity with her students in 3rd grade to figure out if they will think or not. So she goes in the corner and says, “I am holding something orange and round.” A kid then put up his hand and said, “It’s an orange.” “No,” said the teacher, “but it shows that you were thinking.” Then the teacher said, “Now I am holding something red and round.” “It’s an apple,” said a student. “No,”…

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Breast Man

A guy goes to see a psychiatrist. He says, “Doc, I think I’m hung up on women’s breasts.” The psychiatrist says, “We’ll see. I’ll give you a quick word association test. I’ll say something, and then you say the first thing that comes into your mind. Shall we begin?” The guy nods his head. The doctor says, “Eggs.” The guy says, “Boobs.” The doctor says, “Orange.” The guy says, “Hooters.” The doctor says, “Grapefruit.” The guy says, “Jugs.” The doctor…

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Insider’s Guide To The Male Vocabulary

“Haven’t I seen you before?” (“Nice ass!”) “I’m a Romantic.” (“I haven’t got a dime.”) “I need you.” (“My hand is tired.”) “I am different from all the other guys.” (“I’m not circumcised.”) “I want a commitment.” (“I’m sick of masturbation.”) “You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about.” (“You are the only girl who hasn’t rejected me.”) “I really want to get to know you better.” (“So I can tell my friends about it.”) “It’s just orange juice, try…

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Protest sign

Somebody erected a picket sign alongside Highway 95 in Nevada. Evidently, someone doesn’t want any more hotels and casinos being built, because the black-on-orange sign read “END CONSTRUCTION”.

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Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

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The State of the Union

THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN: “Members of Congress…people of America…I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they’re a little older than I like and they…

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Flashlight

One night two Mental Patients were standing under an orange fruit tree. One said to the other. ” I am going to turn on my flashlight for you climb on the light beam and pick an Orange for me.” The other replied, “do you think I am crazy, what if when I climb on the light beam you turn off the light and let me fall?”

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