One eye Jokes - page 31

Mechanical Wonders

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. “I’m afraid not, Sir,” the clerk told him, apologetically, “but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.” Skeptical, but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted 50 cents, stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine…

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You Know You’re Getting Older When…

You and your teeth don’t sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you’re not eating cereal. Your back goes out but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. When happy hour…

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Camouflage

A General was reviewing the troops as they went through their camouflage exercises… “Nice waterfall, soldier!” he said; “Great burning bush!” he said to another. As he passed an old oak tree, it jumped… “#$@%&!!” the General raged. “Get out here soldier!” When the soldier came out, the General said “You know, the lives of the company depend on absolute stillness… what the @#$% happened?!!” The soldier said, “Well sir, I didn’t flinch when the K-9 corps was marking me…

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The Lion Tamer Wannabee

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.” The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.” “Yes I do!” “Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?” “Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.” “Well, what if the lion takes that big…

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