Old miser Jokes - page 2

Bad Buy

A guy walks into a bar and notices an old friend of his seated miserably in the corner. He orders a drink and strolls over to ask his pal what is wrong. “I’ve just found out that mobile phones give you cancer.” Rather bewildered, our man asks why such a superstitious theory could upset him so much. “Well,” replies the man once again. “I’ve just bought one with the money I’ve saved from giving up smoking!”

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Take your pick…

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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Difficult Wife

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: “Yes, Mother, I’ve had a hard day. Mary-Louise has been quite difficult…Yes, I know I ought to be more firm with her, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is… Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was hard to get along with and would make my life miserable, and you warned me not to marry her. Oh, how right you were…

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Cards you WON’T find at your Hallmark Store

Not likely to find these cards at your local Hallmark store…. “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you.” “Looking back over the years that we’ve been…

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Read JokeCards you WON’T find at your Hallmark Store

Rules For Women

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. 2. Remember, you are known by the idiot you accompany. 3. Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers. 4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? SHUT THE DOOR! 5. So many men — so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. 6. If they put a man on the moon, we should be able…

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Computer Camp

Dear Jenny, Ann Landers wouldn’t print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try and explain. It’s about my son, Billy. He’s always been a good, normal ten-year-old boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp for Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire,…

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Read JokeComputer Camp