Old couple Jokes - page 5

10 things women will NEVER understand about Men:

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it’s annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do, wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they’ll…

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State Workers

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola, and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet…

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Wishes Granted

A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish. The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand. Then it was the husband’s turn. He paused…

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50/50

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half. Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The…

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Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 12th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger double-wide. The husband then went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children but they couldn’t afford a costly operation, either. The doctor told him that there was a home procedure called a redneck vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb,…

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The Silent Air Trip

A man and his wife always loved to go on the helicopter rides at the carnival, but they didn’t like the $10.00 per ride. So the man started negotiating with the pilot. Finally, the pilot agreed to let them fly for free ONLY if they could last the entire flight without making a single sound. So the helicopter took off. The pilot tried swerving and sudden stops, even 360 spins, but the whole time, he didn’t hear a peep out…

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10 things Women won’t say, but Men would love to hear

10. You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me. 9. The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday. 8. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they’ll still cover. 7. Bar food again?? Kick ass!! 6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has…

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The test

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career … so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table … then they hid, pretending they were not at home. The father’s plan was: “If our son takes the money,…

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I Remember Mama…

An elderly couple suffering from deteriorating memory signed up for a power memory class to improve their memories. The power memory method taught them to remember things by associating these with familiar objects. After completing the 5-day course, the old man was discussing the merits of the course with a neighbor in his backyard. The old man claimed, “Signing up for that power memory class was one of the best things I’ve ever done.” The neighbor asked, “So who was…

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The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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