New job Jokes - page 3

Devil on the Bridge

A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide. He has lost his job, his home, and his car. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an evil image with a cape appears and asks the man what his problem is. The man replies that he has nothing to live for…everything is gone. The evil image in the cape tells the man that he is the devil, and he would grant three wishes in return for a blow job under the…

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Reasons To Love Men

Reasons to Love Men 1. They’ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that’s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. 2. They’re at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. 3. They’re enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we’re not. 4. They’re beyond enthusiastic about sex. 5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. 6. Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek.…

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The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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lots and lots and lots of…you get the picture.

your mom is so fat…she went to Sizzler’s and got a group discount. your mom is so fat…her belt size is equator. your mom is so fat…she was baptised in the pacific ocean. your mom is so stupid, she told me she tripped over a cordless phone. your mom is so old, she walked by an antiqe shop and they put a price tag on her. your mom is so old…she knew god. your mom is so fat, she sat…

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Read Jokelots and lots and lots of…you get the picture.

Four Weeks to Live

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, “We will all die some day, and none of us really knows when, but if we did, we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.” Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment. Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you had only four weeks of life…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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A change in routine

A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he is to be notified immediately. After about a week of no news the business man receives a telegram: “The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn’t show up, yesterday…”

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yo mama

YO MOMMA SO STUPID… Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test! Yo momma so stupid, she thought, “Wu Tang” was an African orange drink! Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl. Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo momma…

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Who’s the Moron?

One day a man named Olaf walks into the office of a headhunter and says, “I WON A DOB!” The headhunter looks up over the top of his glasses and says, “Excuse me?” Once again the man says, “I WON A DOB!” “Oh,” the headhunter says. “You want a job, I see…what is it you do?” The man says, “I’m a Diesel Fitter.” With this the headhunter turns on his laptop and types vigorously to search his computer files in…

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Everybody Does It!

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…

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