Neighbor Jokes - page 9

THE JANITOR

Bill Holbrook, the janitor at the wealthiest church in town, ordered some cleaning supplies from the hardware store. When they arrived, the driver asked Bill to sign for them. Bill went into the pastor’s office and asked the pastor to sign for them. Puzzled, the pastor told Bill to sign for them. “I can’t,” said Bill. “I can’t read or write.” “Well,” replied the pastor, “I’m going to have to let you go, Bill. I’m sorry but we can’t have…

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Did you use my name?

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. “I’m recently widowed,” she explained, “and I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.” “Not to worry,” Jack said, “we’ll be happy…

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Read JokeDid you use my name?

A true story…

A true story . . . . When Apollo Mission Astronaut, Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some…

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25 pounds

My neighbor was sitting on his porch and he looked pretty annoyed. I asked him what was wrong. He told me about his problems with cloth diapers — smelly, dirty. I told him to buy the disposable kind. So the next day he was on his porch again. He still looked kind of annoyed. I asked him how the disposable diapers were working out. Before he had a chance to answer, the kid came out with his pants sagging down.…

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Read Joke25 pounds

Signs Of Aging

Top 10 Signs You Are No Longer A Kid…… 1. Your back goes out more than you do. 2. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 3. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. 4. You are proud of your lawn mower. 5. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 6. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?” 7. You wear black…

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Forget the Ark!

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. “OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and…

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Chicken of the Living Dead?

Kay Martin, a secretary to a New Zealand MP, got the fright of her life a few weeks ago. According to the Auckland Sunday Star, she and a friend were chatting over a drink when they heard a chicken squawking. The bird sounded in some distress, so they went outside to investigate, thinking perhaps that it had escaped from one of the neighbors. But, there were no chickens anywhere. Then Martin realized with horror that the sound was coming from…

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Read JokeChicken of the Living Dead?

Too Much of the 90’s

TOP 20 THINGS THAT SHOW YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90’S 20. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. 19. Your reason for not staying in touch with family members is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 18. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN’s homepage to your bookmarks. 17. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents. 16. Pick up lines now include…

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Run, Jane, Run!

Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race…

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Five Short Ones About Kids

My grandson was telling me that he and his three playmates attended different churches. Then he added, “It really doesn’t matter if we go to different churches, does it, Grandma, as long as we’re all Republicans?” A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, “No, I’m the lonely child.” My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally…

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Read JokeFive Short Ones About Kids