Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
It was 5 o’clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walked in and bellowed, “This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you all formed up outside and butt naked now!” The soldiers quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks. The sergeant walked out and yelled, “Close up the ranks and…
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Two drunks, Hawthorne and Woods, wake up one morning. Woods says, “How the hell are we gonna get drunk today? All I’ve got is forty cents.” Hawthorne says, “Gimme the money, I’ve got an idea.” He goes into a deli, comes out with a hot dog and says, “Come on. Let’s go to the bar.” When they get to the bar, Hawthorne pulls down Woods’ zipper, sticks in the hot dog, and pulls the zipper up tight enough to hold…
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If America Online was a city… 1) You’d live in a place where no two people had the same name. 2) You’d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. 3) Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you’d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99. 4) The commute to work…
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It was autumn, and time for the blonde farmer to go over his books. To his puzzlement, he found that his flock of Rhode Island Reds was twice as profitable, in terms of eggs they produced, as was his flock of White Leghorns. “Look at this, he said to his wife. “I’ve gone over the numbers again and again, and there’s no doubt about it: the Reds are laying twice as many eggs and bringing in twice the money of…
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Three old men in a convalescent hospital are shooting the breeze when the seventy-year-old one exclaims: “You know, if I had just one wish, I’d wish that I could take a nice long piss.” The eighty-year-old man said: “Well, I only wish that I could take a nice long shit.” The ninety-year old man replies: “Boys, every morning at 7:00 a.m. sharp, I take a nice long piss, then every morning at 9:00a.m. sharp, I take a nice long shit.…
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A farmer is sitting in a bar getting drunk. The bartender walks up to him and says, “You know, I’ve seen some pretty sad faces in my time but yours takes the cake.” “Some things you just can?t explain.” replied the farmer. “Tell me about it.” said the bartender. “Well,” the farmer began, “this morning I was out milking the cow. Just as the bucket was getting full, the cow knocked it over with her right leg.” “Knocked the bucket…
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Having gone to his secretary’s apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. “My God!” he shouted. “My wife is going to kill me!” Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. “Honey!” he began, “don’t pay the ransom. I escaped!”
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A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly, he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to…
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Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife’s bedside table that said, “Wake me at six.” An exasperated Mr. Smith woke at ten the next morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: “It’s six, you bum! Get out of bed!”
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Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. “He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.” “Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power saw this morning,” the neighbor began. “Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson, with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.” “In that case,” said the neighbor, “you won’t be…
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