Mom Jokes - page 45

ice cream

I was in an ice cream parlor with my friend the other day, Sunday I believe. We watched as a very old limozine pulled up front and parked. A lovely older lady and a small young female ,about 6 years old got out and walked into the parlor. The well dressed older lady asked the young girl what kind of ice cream did she want for her birthday party? The young girl replied ‘Chocolate”. The young man behind the counter…

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Love of the Game

A Boston man sits on his living room couch watching the American League Championship Series between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees. In comes his wife, huffing and puffing, and stands in front of the television screen. At that exact moment, Red Sox shortstop, Nomar Garciaparra, hits a two-run homer. “Stan!” she yelled. “I think you love the Red Sox more than you love me.” “You know what?” the said, full of rage. “Right now I love…

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Oh, the REGRETS!

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than…

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Look Natural

It was graduation day, and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in his cap and gown, posing with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural,” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” Dad answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?”

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Eight-year-olds Define Love

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That’s love.” “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” “Love is when a girl puts on perfume, and a boy puts on shaving cologne, and they go out and smell each other.” “Love is…

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Read JokeEight-year-olds Define Love

Little Johnny

Little Johnny’s mother took her 6-year-old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, “Hey, Mom, she’s really fat.” The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little’ Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will…

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Dad’s dilemma

Dad came home one afternoon to find his young son in the middle of the floor with a pencil and paper. “What are you doing, son?” dad asked. Jr. replied, “I am figuring my debts up.” “That’s good son, and what do you think you owe?” Jr. answered, “I figure I owe mom for nine months carrying charge and at least a 2 year milk bill” “Jr., that’s great, now what do you figure you owe me?” Son thought for…

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Brotherly Love

Two brothers, Tom & Cody, live in the same house with their mom. One day Tom goes on a vacation for 3 days to Florida. The next day Tom calls Cody at home and asks how his cat Morris is doing. Cody replies, “He’s dead.” Tom flies off the handle at Cody and yells at him for an hour. Cody finally gets Tom calmed down and pleads to Tom that it wasn’t his fault. Tom says, “I know that you…

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Little Johnny Wants a Watch

Little Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. “Did you get that for your birthday?” he asked. “Nope,” Jimmy replied. “Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Little Johnny asked. “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” “No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”…

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