Mo ped Jokes - page 7

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Don’t worry about the world ending today….It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. Character is what you are. Reputation is what people THINK you are. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing…

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There was a frog with a really big mouth travelling around one day. He came to a barn and saw a cow. “HELLO COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?” The cow replied, “Milk.” The frog nodded. “OH, IS THAT SO.” He then hopped along to a fence and saw a horse. “HELLO, HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?” The horse replied,”Hay.” The frog nodded, “OH, IS THAT SO.” He then hopped along to the river and he saw…

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There was a guy with a speech impediment, and he went into a grocery store, and said, “Do you have any bum?” And then guy behind the counter said, “Bum, what’s bum?” The other guy says, “Bum, you know that stuff you put in your mouth and chew.” The guy behind the counter says, “Oh, you mean gum!” And the guy with the speech impediment says, “Ya, bum.” So, he buys his gum and goes to a hardware store, and…

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A General was reviewing the troops as they went through their camouflage exercises… “Nice waterfall, soldier!” he said; “Great burning bush!” he said to another. As he passed an old oak tree, it jumped… “#$@%&!!” the General raged. “Get out here soldier!” When the soldier came out, the General said “You know, the lives of the company depend on absolute stillness… what the @#$% happened?!!” The soldier said, “Well sir, I didn’t flinch when the K-9 corps was marking me…

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One day, there was a woman cooking breakfast and listening to the radio. All of the sudden a voice breaks in and says, “A circus train was going through town when it wrecked and all the animals escaped. If you see one of them, please contact the police department immediately.” Well, she didn’t think anything about it and went on with her morning. A little later, she was washing the dishes and looked out the window and there was an…

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I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in…

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