Mo ped Jokes - page 16

The Duffle Bag

A bus, making it’s daily trip, stopped to pick up an older lady. The lady was carrying a big duffle back and she had it clutched to herself as if she was trying to protect it. She walked to the back of the bus and sat down. Two younger men saw the dufflebag she was clutching and one of them said, “Excuse me, but what’s in the duffle bag. The lady responded, “IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!” The man…

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Shortened Tail

Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. “Doctor,” he said, “I need you to cut off my dog’s tail.” The vet stepped back and said, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?” Bert said, “Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”

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Aww, Daddy . . .

My 3-year-old daughter, Sarah, has the normal speech problem that most kids have when they are at this age. She can’t say her C’s. They come out T’s, and the R’s come out like W’s. My husband sleeps in his underwear. He woke up one morning and started to walk to the bathroom, just as my daughter walked out of her room. She stopped him dead in his tracks, pointed to his “package,” and said, “Awww, Daddy, you got TWAP…

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Outhouse

A man was walking down a lonely country road when Mother Nature called. He rushed to the nearest house and asked if he could use their facilities. The owner said, “Sure, the outhouse is right over there.” After about 20 minutes, the owner became concerned that the passer-by had not yet come out of the outhouse. He knocked on the door and as it swung open, he noticed the passer-by bent over, reaching down into the two holer with a…

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Daddy, where did I come from?

“Daddy, where did I come from?” the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” her father asked. “Not really,” the little girl said. “Judy said she came from Detroit. I want…

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Ping Pong Ball Contest

A local TV station sponsored a fabulous contest, the grand prize being a 30-day all expense paid trip around the world. Three gentlemen were selected as finalists, and as a final task each were given 14 days to accumulate as many ping pong balls as they could. The three men all set out on their unusual journey. After 5 days the first gentleman returned in a Chevy pickup truck, filled to the top with small white ping pong balls. “Great!…

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3 Little Indians Go To School

When the new school year started, the history teacher was so excited because there were three little American Indian boys in her class. She was beside herself with excitement. So she asked the first little Indian boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he was from and how he knew this. The little boy stood up and proudly threw out his chest. Then he took his fist and hit it on his chest. He said in a…

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Lil Johnny wants a new Bike

Little Johnny was so rotton that his mother didn’t know what to do with him. It was getting close to his birthday and he was demanding a new bicycle. His mother told him that he had been so bad during the year that he wasn’t going to get ANYTHING. He whined and complained and stamped his feet–demanding the bike. His mother, in desperation and just trying to shut him up, said, “Why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and…

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Vacation

A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks “What’s up?” The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” the man replies. “TWA?!” yells Joe. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight…

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50 Reasons to be a Woman

1.Free drinks. 2.Free dinners. 3.Free movies (you get the point). 4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay. 5.You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay. 6.You know ‘The Truth’ about whether size matters. 7.Speeding ticket? What’s that? 8.New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9.You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10.If you have sex with someone and don’t call them…

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