Married sex Jokes - page 3

A Few Random Thoughts

If foreign films are so good, how come they don’t make them in this country? Definition of an optimist: an accordian player with a beeper. Old age is when you tell a friend you’re having an affair and he says, “That’s wonderful! Who’s the caterer?” Part of the trouble with doing nothing in life is that you never know when you’re through. Tractor pulls were invented so professional wrestling fans would have someone to look down on. Opieology: a religion…

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Read JokeA Few Random Thoughts

Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Read JokeWhole Lotta Yo Mama

Viagra line (Men’s Version)

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society….. DIRECTRA: a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA: men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting…

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Read JokeViagra line (Men’s Version)

If MEN planned weddings

There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…

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Read JokeIf MEN planned weddings

Beard of Truth

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested that he shave his beard: “Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face without it.” James replied, “My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!” “Oh, pleasse?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice. “Oh, really, I can’t,” he replies. “My wife loves this beard!!” The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and…

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Read JokeBeard of Truth

Golf Balls

A wife is going through her husband’s closet one day when she finds a metal box. Inside the box she finds 3 golf balls and $20,000. She immediately goes downstairs and confronts him with it. Wife: “What is this box for?” Husband: “Well, every time we had bad sex I put a golf ball in the box.” The wife thought this was pretty good seeing as how they had been married for 20 years. Wife: “What is the $20,000 for?”…

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Read JokeGolf Balls