Man john Jokes - page 4

Always Check the Address

This came out of the Des Moines Sunday Register…. Here is a little reminder on how important it is to type that e-mail address correctly. A Wisconsin businessman traveled to Louisiana on a business trip. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port, and sent a short e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her e-mail address:[email protected]. Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to: [email protected]. Jean…

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3 men’s punishment

Three men (John, Bubba, and Mac) died and went to Hell. All three of them were in a very dark and scary room. Suddenly a loud voice boomed out “John, you have been very bad all of your life. For your punsihment, you must live with this woman for all eternity.” Then a 7 foot tall, skinny, ugly woman walked out and John was forced away with her. Bubba and Mac were shaking after seeing what happened and afraid of…

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Read Joke3 men’s punishment

What Would I Be?

A Sunday School teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “All right, children, let’s take another example,” she said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?” Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, “You’d be his wife!”

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12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

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Read Joke12 Days of Christmas

Everything comes in threes…

“EVERYTHING COMES IN THREES” Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three “ones” come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern. “YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU (When you die)” Well….., that depends on what it is. If it’s your dark blue suit, you can certainly…

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Lifesavers

A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. One day she brought in rolls of lifesavers of all flavors. “Children,” she announced, passing out the lifesavers, “I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these and then tell me what they are.” The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when the teacher gave them the honey-flavored lifesavers, every one of the kids was stumped. “I’ll give…

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(True) Bloopers from Church Bulletins

These are true stories supposedly… * Don’t let worry kill you- let the church help. * Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. * For those of you who have children and didn’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. * The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs.…

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Read Joke(True) Bloopers from Church Bulletins

I need, I need

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mother’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and saying, “I need a man, I need a man.” Over the next couple of months he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her room he saw a naked man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes,…

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Assorted Hodgepodge

Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not! Last words spoken at the Last Supper: “Everyone who wants to be in the picture, get on this side of the table.” Why are there so many Smiths and Johnsons in the phone book? They all have phones. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic?” Did you know that half of…

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Read JokeAssorted Hodgepodge

Advice to Northerners..ya’ll

“This is to hep yu’all who don’t have the plesur of livin in the sunny South, which is sometimes covered in ice! Those who do, will wunder why these wus ever wrote down in the furst place.” Sayings in the South: “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already ‘saucered and blowed.” “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” “My…

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Read JokeAdvice to Northerners..ya’ll