Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery, she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her…
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Pushing his way to the front of the crowd, Jesus waved his arms if front of the mad throng. When they had quieted, he helped up a woman whom they had been pelting with stones. “This is wrong! Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Suddenly a rock came flying from the midst of the mob, and caught the woman square in the forehead. Looking across the sea of faces, Jesus swore, “Dammit! Is that you, Mother?”
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A man is eating in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous blonde eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air. “Oh my god, I am sooo sorry,” the woman says, as she pops her eye back in place.…
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One day, a old lady decides to buy a parrot to keep her company. As soon as she brings it home…she sets it up in the corner in a nice cage, sits down, and starts to read a book. Pretty soon she hears…. “What the hell are you reading?” Astounded that her parrot talked like that, she told her parrot… “If I hear that out of you one more time, you will be punished.” A few minutes later, she hears……
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A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name “Marylou” written on it,” she said, furious. “You had better have an explanation!” “Calm down, Honey,” the man replied. “Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on.” The next morning, his wife…
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“Are you sure this is your house?” the cop asked the thoroughly sozzled gentleman. “Shertainly,” said the drunk, “an’ if you’ll jesh open the door f’me, I’ll prove it to you.” “You shee that piano?” the drunk began. “Thash mine. You shee that TV? Thash mine, too. Follow me, follow me.” The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to. “Thish ish my bedroom,” he…
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A lady is sitting in a roadhouse bar drinking; when she asks the bartender where the bathroom is located. The bartender tells her that the toilets broken, but she can go out back and squat next to the dumpster if she wants. The lady has been drinking pretty heavily so she staggers out back. She pulls her panties down and relieves herself, but she is so drunk she passes out . A trucker who has been on the road for…
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A very elderly couple went to see a lawyer. They were ushered gently into the lawyer’s inner office, and sat across the desk from the attorney who was studying the couple’s papers. He looked up after a moment. “How can I help you today, Mr. and Mrs. Watson?” The woman piped up in a thin, reedy voice. “We’ve come to get your help in filing for a divorce.” “A divorce?” The lawyer was stunned. “If you don’t mind my asking,…
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Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “241.” “That is wonderful!” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks her, “What is your IQ?” to which the lady answers, “144.” “That is great!” responds Albert. “We can discuss…
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A woman walks into a butchers shop and asks’have you got a sheeps head?’ The butcher then replies ‘no, it is just the way that I part my hair’.
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