Man and woman Jokes - page 50

monkey baby

One afternoon, a woman is getting on a bus with her newborn baby. The bus driver looks at the lady and replies, “Damn, Woman, that’s the ugliest baby I have ever seen in my entire life!!!” The woman, somewhat distraught, proceeds to the back of the bus, where she is questioned by a fellow rider. “Why do you look so down?” asked the man. The woman begins to tell the man about the bus driver and the rude comment he…

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Nun for me

There once was a nun and a priest crossing the dessert, on a camel. The camel all of a sudden got sick and started to die. The nun and priest could not continue going without a camel, so they set up shelter. They both knew they were going to die. So, the priest turned to the nun and said, “I’ve never seen a woman naked, will you strip for me?” The nun said, “I’ve never seen a man naked, if…

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Learn the Difference

A student essay stated: “The girl tumbled down the stairs and lay prostitute at the bottom.” In the margin of the paper, the professor commented: “My Dear Sir, you must learn to distinguish between a fallen woman and one who has merely slipped.”

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Nothing Touched

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. “This place” the guide told them, “is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.” “Wow!” said one woman, dryly. “They must have the same landlord I have.”

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BOB

There was a girl who wanted to get a tattoo on her butt cheeks. She wanted it to say baby blue. So she went to a tattoo place and ask the the tattoo guy if he could put baby blue on her butt cheaks. Baby on one side and blue on another. The tattoo guy said “OK, I charge $10.00 for each letter.” but the girl only had $20.00. The guy said, “Tell you what, how about if I put…

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Great Debate

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave. The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe,…

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Elderly Couple

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from…

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Kid on a Tricycle

There was this young boy who really liked going fast. So his parents bought him a tricycle. One day his brother came over with his brand new car. The young boy ran up to his brother and begged him to give him a ride in his new, fast car. The brother said “How about this. I’ll tie your tricyle to the back of my car and I’ll pull down the street.” The young boy accepted immediately. The arrangement was that…

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Mother Goose 1999

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess was seated on the shore of a pond near her castle. As she combed her golden tresses in the reflection of the pristine water, a frog hopped into her lap and spoke to her. “Dearest Princess, I was once a handsome prince with a thousand servants and riches beyond your imagination. One day a beggar woman transformed me into this frog that you see before you, for she was indeed a witch. But…

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lucky!

A guy is strolling down the street in Chicago where he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies “I’ve always wanted to be lucky.” The genie grants his wish. So off the guy strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start he thinks. As he…

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