Man and woman Jokes - page 40

I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

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Read JokeI’ve lost my memory

Frozen Cows

Farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all his cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a cold night but he’d never thought anything like this would happen. The realisation of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with…

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Big Decisions

I met a man who had been married for 66 years. “Amazing. 66 years!” I said. “What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?” “Well,” he replied, “It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.” “Really?” I responded. “Does that really work?” “Oh, yes,” he said proudly. “66 years, and so far, not one big decicision!”

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Sex on a Sunday

A Preacher was concluding his Sunday sermon at the Church of the Ozarks when he said “Before we adjourn to Miss Ida’s fried chicken lunch, I’d like you to feel free to ask me any questions you have.” Miss Daisy, the most beautiful young lady in the congregation raised her hand. “Preacher,” she said, “Is sexual intercourse permitted on Sunday?” “Well I don’t know right off,” replied the Preacher, “but I’ll find the answer right here in the Good Book.”…

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Protected employment

Boss, to four of his employees: “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.” Black Employee: “I’m a protected minority.” Female Employee: “And I’m a woman.” Oldest Employee: “Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.” …To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: “I think I might be gay…”

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5 Questions Most Feared By Men

The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that everyone is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along…

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Snatch-eating Frog

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box. and it says…”Snatch Eating Frogs $20.00 each comes with instructions)”. She looks at it for a minute…looks around to see if anyone’s watching her… and whispers to the man behind the counter…”I’LL TAKE ONE!” He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog…

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Take your pick…

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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just hold me…

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up, but then the wife stops and says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me. ” The husband says “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes…

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Read Jokejust hold me…