Man and wife Jokes - page 7

Halloween

A couple decide to go to a Halloween party one year. So they dressed up as two cows and headed out for the party.. While on their way, the car broke down and they were stranded. As the man walked around the car kicking and cussing , He noticed the house they were going to was just accross the pasture. “Well,” said the man. “I guess we can walk through the pasture and be there in a minute or two…

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7 o clock dentist appointment

A man phones the dentist and asks, “Can I have an appointment to take a tooth out?” The dentist replies, “Yes, I can fit you in at 4pm, it will cost $50.” “I can’t afford that, can’t you do it cheaper?” “Well, if you come at 5pm, the receptionist has left, so I don’t have to pay her wages, $40.” “Still too much.”Come at 6pm, There’s no electricity, it’ll be dark. $30.” I still can’t afford it.” ” Come at…

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Three Times A Lady

A couple was enjoying a romantic dinner, celebrating their 35th anniversary when the husband says to his wife, “Honey, it’s wonderful having been married to you for 35 years, but there is one thing I’ve often wondered and have never known for sure. Have you been true to me throughout our married years?” She suddenly gets this flushed look upon her face as responds, “Does it really matter? What really counts is that we have been happy and we’ll be…

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How cheap were they?

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course, the English man’s wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. “Well darling,” she explained, “you give me so…

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A Quick Thinker

A man walks into a supermarket in downtown L.A. and heads straight to the produce section. After looking at the heads of fresh lettuce on display, the customer approaches the store clerk and asks, “Excuse me. Can I buy half a head of lettuce?” Shaking his head, the clerk says, “I’m sorry. But we sell those by the whole head.” “But I don’t need a whole head, just half. C’mon surely you can accommodate my simple request,” insists the customer.…

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Gold Bar

This guy staggers home drunk one night. His wife is still up so he starts telling her about this great bar he was at. He said, “Wow honey, it was great! Everything was gold! Ya wouldn’t believe it. They had gold plates, gold mugs, gold disco balls, everything was gold! They even had gold urinals!” His wife said, “Yeah, sure honey. Why don’t you just sleep it off?” So the guy passes out. The next morning, the wife is curious…

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Rewards in Heaven

At the gates of Heaven, St. Peter is waiting for each soul that enters. It was a slow day, but finally, someone arrives at the gates. Peter looks the guy over and asks, “How long were you married and how many times did you cheat on her?” The guy looks proudly at Peter and says, “In all the 25 years I was married, I never once cheated on my wife.” Peter smiles and says, “Because of that, you get to…

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Stopped for Speeding

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place . . . The man says, “What’s the problem, Officer?” Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55-zone.” Man: “No Sir, I was going 65.” Wife: “Oh, Harry, you were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.” Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t…

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Chicken Analysis

It was autumn, and time for the blonde farmer to go over his books. To his puzzlement, he found that his flock of Rhode Island Reds was twice as profitable, in terms of eggs they produced, as was his flock of White Leghorns. “Look at this, he said to his wife. “I’ve gone over the numbers again and again, and there’s no doubt about it: the Reds are laying twice as many eggs and bringing in twice the money of…

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Trading Presents

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It turns out that each boy likes the other’s present better, and so they trade. That night, when the Italian boy…

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