Look at the baby Jokes - page 4

Kid’s View of Baptism

A father is in church with his three young children, including his five-year-old daughter. As was his custom, he sat on the very front row so that the children could better see all that was going on. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five-year-old girl was most enthralled by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant’s head. With a quizzical look on her face,…

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A push

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half-past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the…

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Mother Says NO!

At the checkout line, a small boy and his mother were having a problem. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum, and his mother won’t let him have any. At least that’s what I thought. Then I heard his mother’s reply. “No!” she said, looking the child squarely in the eye. “You may NOT have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!”

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Engines

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon, Dr. Michael DeBakey, standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Morris, one of those loud mouths, shouted across the garage, “Hey, DeBakey…Is dat you? Come over here a minute.” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car. Morris in a loud voice, so all could hear, said argumentatively, “So, Mr.…

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Babies

A mother and her son were flying “Southwest Airlines” from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,…

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The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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Daughter’s Letter Home From College

Dear Mom and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in nothaving written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before youread on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY! Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when…

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Gay Head

For those of you who don’t know, Gay Head is the name of a small town on Martha’s Vineyard, now renamed to Aquinna (I can’t imagine why they renamed it). It is known for its fabulous beach and stunning red cliffs overlooking the beach. On my recent vacation, I decided to go there for the day. Feeling a little brave, I decided to head for the Northwest end of the beach. This is where bathing suits are optional. As I…

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yo mamma

yo mamma was so ugly as a baby that when she was born your mother said “Oh what a treasure!” and your father said “Yeah, let’s go bury it.” yo mamma’s teeth are so big she looks like a beaver with big tits. yo mamma’s so skinny her nipples touch. yo mamma’s so crossed eyed when she cries tears roll down the bitch’s back. yo mamma’s so stupid she thought TACO BELL was a phone company.

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Codeword Spaghetti

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. One day she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know when the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took…

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