Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
1. Connection – Heh… what connection? 2. Complicated – Once you finally connect to the Internet (see #1), the thing that they don’t tell you when you get the Internet is how impossible it is to use if you have never used it before. They all think it is sooo easy, and I probably would think it was easy too if I programmed it. If you are dedicated enough to actually try to figure it out, that is close to…
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Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess I have two mounds upon my bodice I shave my legs, sit down to pee – Can justify any shopping spree Don’t go to a barber, but a beauty salon Can get a massage without a hard-on I can balance my checkbook, can pump my own gas Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass My beauty’s a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit to…
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What follows is the Commencement address that was thought to have been given by: Kurt Vonnegut recently at MIT **************************************** Turns out that he didn’t, but it got back to him, he read it, and said he wished that he had written it. Lenochka **************************************** Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’98: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,…
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I love my master; Thus I perfume myself with This long-rotten squirrel. I lie belly-up In the sunshine, happier than You ever will be Today I sniffed Many dog behinds – I celebrate By kissing your face. I sound the alarm! Paper boy – come to kill us all Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! I sound the alarm! Garbage man – come to kill us all Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! I lift my leg and Whiz on each bush.…
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Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? Why is the alphabet in that order? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? Do fish get cramps after eating? How come abbreviated is such a long word? Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”? Why is there only one Monopolies commission? Why do scientists call it “re”search when looking for something new?
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Share your knowledge of these “world records” with your friends, relatives and associates during dinner: MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July, 1991. LONGEST PUBES Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina. MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina. (This isn’t all…
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The Top 39 Things You Would NEVER Hear A Texan Say: 39. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can’t feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pick-up,…
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A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched the intruder get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got…
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The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County GA: We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal,…
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You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…
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