Lass Jokes - page 7

ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Letter of Recommendation

Memo to: the Director Subject: Letter of Recommendation 1> Bob Smith, an assistant programmer, can always be found 2> hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3> wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4> thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5> finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended 6> measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping 7> coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8> vanity…

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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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Politics

Discussion between a father and his 12 year old son: Son: Dad, I have to do a report for school. Can I ask you a question? Father: Sure son, whats the question? Son: What is Politics? Father: Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so lets call me capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We take care of your needs, so lets call you the people.…

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3 Tough Mice

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to…

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Who Did It?

The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge, goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny, as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, and if little Johnny said that…

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Who’s the Moron?

One day a man named Olaf walks into the office of a headhunter and says, “I WON A DOB!” The headhunter looks up over the top of his glasses and says, “Excuse me?” Once again the man says, “I WON A DOB!” “Oh,” the headhunter says. “You want a job, I see…what is it you do?” The man says, “I’m a Diesel Fitter.” With this the headhunter turns on his laptop and types vigorously to search his computer files in…

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Snot Nose Smith

A little girls begins her first day at a new school and the teacher tells her to stand up and tell everyone in the class her name. She stands up, faces the class and says loudly, “Snot Nose Smith!” “Young lady,” the teacher says impatiently. “This won’t be tolerated in my class, now say you correct name” “Snot Nose Smith!” She repeats. “Look here Miss Smith, this is your last chance. Now what is your real name?” “Snot Nose Smith!”…

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guessing game

One day during class, the teacher decided to play a guessing game with her students. She said, “I’ll hold something behind my back, give a couple of clues, and whoever guesses what it will win lunch on me.” “Okay,” the teacher said, “the first item is round, red, and has seeds.” Katie raised her hand said, “Is it an apple?” “Sorry Katie it’s not an apple, it’s a tomato, but I like the way your thinking.” “The second object is…

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Baby Talk

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they begin to get ready for bed but the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife in the bathroom, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.” As the woman crosses her room to the husband, she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says,…

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