Lass Jokes - page 27

Dwarf???

The class was playing a spelling game when the teacher asked for a word beginning with ‘A’. Johnny shot his arm into the air and blurted out ‘Asshole’. The teacher warned Johnny not to use such language again. She then asked for a word starting with ‘B’. Again Johnny shocked the class as he exclaimed ‘Bastard, miss.’ The teacher suitably repremanded Johnny and continued on. She decided to skip ‘C’ as she could imagine what Johnny would say. ‘D’ was…

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The Old Couple

While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finished their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn’t miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could…

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Airline Terms

As you are all aware, the airline industry in which we work has it’s own unique set of terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used terms and their definitions. PASSENGER – A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a “line.” This “line” has no set pattern and…

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Trip to Hawaii

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist”garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead”…

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Clinton

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said,” Winston Churchill.” “Congratulations said the teacher you may go home.” The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you…”…

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the blonde

A blonde was on a plane that was going to France and she was in first class but had a ticket for coach, so a stewerdess tells her to move to coach but she doesnt. Then another stewerdess told her to move to coach. Again she said no. Then the pilot whispered in her ear and the blonde moved. The stewerdess asked how he had gotten her to move, and he said he told her that the front of the…

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How Old Am I?

A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York, and Chicago is 100 from Philadelphia, and Los Angeles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I? One student in the back of the class raised his hand, and when called upon, said, “Professor, you’re 44.” The Professor said, “You’re absolutely correct. But tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?” The student said, “You see, Professor, I have a…

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Womb!!!

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day while the teacher had asked the kids whenever she gives a letter from A-Z use a word that starts with that letter then use it in a sentence. The teacher goes ahead with her lesson and Starts out with “A” well Johnny was the first one to raise his hand, but the teacher thinks to herself she had better not, because she knows how Johnny is. So instead she picks Sandra. Sandra…

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Selfless Act … of Drinking

Sometimes, during a booze-filled weekend, I get to feeling kinda ashamed about all the beer I drink. Then I look deeply into my glass and I start thinking about the workers in the brewery, and about all their hopes and dreams. “If I didn’t drink this beer,” I think, “those poor people might be out of work, and all their dreams would be shattered.” So I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their…

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