Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to my newly-scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down some newspapers for you.” “That’s all right, Lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”
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A troupe of traveling actors had taken the long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Detroit where they were scheduled to perform Hamlet that night. Derek Drake, the handsome leading man, must have been sitting in a draft because when they arrived in Detroit just six hours before the Sunday night performance, he had a scratchy throat and laryngitis. Tracy Towers, the troupe’s leading lady, frantically began phoning doctors listed in the yellow pages, but all she got were answering machines.…
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THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN: “Members of Congress…people of America…I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they’re a little older than I like and they…
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Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that…
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Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…
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A lady is sitting in a roadhouse bar drinking; when she asks the bartender where the bathroom is located. The bartender tells her that the toilets broken, but she can go out back and squat next to the dumpster if she wants. The lady has been drinking pretty heavily so she staggers out back. She pulls her panties down and relieves herself, but she is so drunk she passes out . A trucker who has been on the road for…
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There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Everyday, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, “She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn’t she know there isn’t a God?” Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying “Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don’t you know there is no God?” But she kept on praying.…
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DID YOU EVER HEAR THE EXPRESSION: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING? THIS IS HOW IT ORIGINATED: George Washington was traveling with his troops at Valley Forge. They were cold, hungry and tired. One of the soldiers asks General Washington when they can stop to get some food and rest. Washington tells them he’ll stop at the next house he sees. At the house, he knocks on the door and asks the lady if she can give his men food and…
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(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…
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A lady and her son moved in a house next door to a church and the church was next door to the grocery store. So every time the son would pass the church on his way to the store, he could hear the Deacon shouting the phrase, “Open the doors, Open them wide, let the good Lord and the fresh air fly by”. So this procedure went on for days, then weeks as the little boy became aggitated every time…
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