Lady lady Jokes - page 2

Old Lady

An old lady went to her doctor because she was concerned about some lumps she had found under her breasts. The doctor gave her a thorough examination and told her, “Ma’am I have some good news and some bad news.” She said the she would like the good news first. The doctor said, “The lumps under your breast aren’t cancerous.” The old lady asked what the bad news was. The Doctor replied, “The lumps under you breasts are your feet.”

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The old lady

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ” Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.” The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”…

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little italian lady

A little old Italian lady needed a cab, she got in, the polish cab driver asked, where to? She said Imma goin” downa town, once she got there she said oha no, Mr. cabba driva, imma notta ganna hava enougha money to paya you, the cab driver said, thats ok lady, i’ll just pull down a dark alley, he did, stopped the cab, pull your panties down lady”, she said oh”, Mr. cabba driva, youa gonna getta gyped, my panties…

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2 Dead Monkeys and a Little Old Lady

A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed. After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, “Do you want them mounted?” Blushing, she said, “No. Shaking hands will be fine.”

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Cranky Mean Old Lady

A man walks into a store and heads straight for the counter. He orders a Polish sausage sandwich from the old lady behind the counter.. However she just stands there and says, “You must be a really dumb Pollack.” “I can’t believe you’ve made that ethnic remark! If a Jew comes in here and orders a kosher sandwich, will you call him a dumb Jew?” “Of course,” says the cranky old lady. “If an Italian walks in here and orders…

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Little Old Lady goes Shopping

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the checkout counter, where she told the checkout girl, “Nothing but the best for my little kitten.” The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you…

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Old Lady’s Dates

An old lady tells her pastor, “I’m a very active old lady. I meet with three men every day.” To this the pastor exclaims, “Three! Well, who are these lucky men?” “Well, I wake up and Will Power is there to help me to wake up. During the day, he stays with me, until Arthur Itis comes in. He is very active, and we move from joint to joint. Then, Ben Gay and I live it up in bed for…

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Bored Old Lady

These four ladies were playing cards one Monday, and the 91-year-old lady said, “I am getting bored. I think I will get a job.” Well, the other three ladies started laughing and said,”Where do you think you could find a job?” She replied, “I don’t know, but I am going to try.” A week went by, and they were playing cards again. The little 91-year-old lady said, “Well, I got a job.” The others again started laughing and asked, “Where…

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Lee and The Lady

Lee Trevino just finished golfing and went to the 19th hole for a drink. He sits down at the bar next to a rather attractive woman. After a few sips, he looks to the lady and noticing how lovely she is, starts talking to her. Soon, they end up in his hotel room, and are having a rather nice time in bed. After they finish, Lee gets out of bed and walks over to the phone and picks it up.…

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