Lad Jokes - page 9

Church Talk

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first woman tells her friends. “My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.” The second woman chirps, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room people call him your Grace.” The third crone says, “My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say your Eminence.” The fourth woman continued sipping her coffee in silence, so the first three women…

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The Little Pirate

It’s Halloween and little Johnny is Trick-or-Treating and is dressed up as a pirate. He comes up to a house and a nice old lady answers the door. The lady looks at Johnny and says, ‘What a cute pirate. Where are your little buccaneers??’ Johnny looks at the lady and says, ‘They’re under my buck’en (F*****G) hat!!’

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12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

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Saddam and Bill’s Dreams

Saddam Hussein called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this dream last night. I could see all of America and it was beautiful, and on top of every building there was a beautiful banner.” Clinton asked, “What was on the banner?” Saddam responded, “It said Alla is God, God is Alla.” Clinton said: “You know Saddam, I’m really glad you called, because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad…

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Seat Belt

One day this man was driving and the police pulled him over. The police said, “Since you were wearing your seltbelt, you win $5000, what are you going to do with the money?” The man said, “I’m going to get me a driver’s license.” The lady next to him said, “Don’t listen to him officer, he always talks crazy when he’s drunk!” The loud talking woke the guy in the backseat up. When he saw the police he said, “I…

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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, “Hello ladies!”

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Crazy Engineers

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child’s toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost…

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Cure for Migraines

When the doctor takes his history and does the physical exam, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL has seen no improvement. “Listen,” says the Doc, “I have migranes, too, and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice…

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Go fish

A country lad applied for a salesman job at a city department store. In fact, it was the largest store in the world. The boss asked, “Have you ever been a salesman before?” “Yes, I was a salesman in the country,” said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said. “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come by when we close to see how you’re doing.” The day was long and arduous for the lad, but finally…

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