Lad Jokes - page 12

Clueless Tourist

A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, “Look at all those big rocks! Wherever did they come from?” “The glaciers brought them down,” said the guide. “But where are the glaciers now?” asked the lady. “The glaciers,” said the guide in a weary voice, “have gone back for more rocks.” “Oh,” said the lady.

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(True) Bloopers from Church Bulletins

These are true stories supposedly… * Don’t let worry kill you- let the church help. * Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. * For those of you who have children and didn’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. * The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs.…

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Tatoo-in

A lady went to the doctor’s office for her regular scheduled pap exam. The doctor noticed that she had a tattoo of a Santa Claus on her inside right thigh, but said nothing even though he was curios. The following year the same lady came for her scheduled check up again and then this time the doctor noticed another tattoo of a Turkey on her inside left thigh. The curiosity was too much, so he asked her, “Tell me, young…

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Hearing Test

An elderly lady was concerned about her husband’s hearing. It seemed that every time she would call him, he wouldn’t respond. The lady went to the doctor to ask his advice. The doctor said to her, “When you go home, tell your husband to stand at the end of the hallway, and you should stand at the other end. Ask him what he wants for dinner. Continue to move closer toward him until he responds to your question, so you…

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Do you have a BC?

The story is told of a lady who was rather old fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a weeks vacation to Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter. After much deliberation,…

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Wedding Party

A minister was planning a short wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down to be married before the congregation. For the life of him, though, he couldn’t think of the names of those two people! “Will those wanting to get married please come down to the front at this time?” he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the…

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In keeping with the season…..

Thursday, as my girlfriend was puttering around in the kitchen, getting ready to cook our turkey, she said to me, “Did you thaw the turkey?” With a slight grin, I responded by saying, “Yeth. I thaw the turkey thitting in the think. Thee? Why don’t you look for it before athking me if I thaw it? I thee a lot with theeth two eyeth!” She smacked me with the gravy ladle.

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Pork Chops Competition

A woman goes into a meat market and asks the butcher why his pork chops are 99 cents a pound, when the guy across the street is selling his for 89 cents? The butcher says, “Well, then, why don’t you go over there and buy his?” The lady customer says, “Well, he don’t have any. The butcher says, “Well, that’s nothing. When I don’t have ANY, I sell mine for only 79 cents!”

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Hot & Sweaty

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the husband’s exam, the doctor then said to him, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?” “In fact, I do,” said the man. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife…

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Here after

An elderly lady went to the doctor’s office for a checkup. The doctor told her, “Mrs. Smith at this age you need to start thinking about the hereafter.” The woman replied, “Oh I do. I go into a room and think, ‘What am I here after?’”

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