Always Pay Your Bill
I can understand why men don’t like vasectomies. My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with his Mastercard. But he forgot to pay the bill, so the finance company came over to his house and knocked up my aunt.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Knock knock Jokes - page 15
Bill in the Barn
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore are driving through the country when suddenly their car breaks down. They then walk to the nearest farm where the farmer offers them a room for the night. Unfortunately, there is only room for two people to stay in there so says that one of them will have to sleep in the barn. Al Gore offers to sleep in there. At about midnight there is a knock on the door. Al is standing…
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Chop Chop
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when, all of a sudden, this great big dude comes in and — WHACK! — he knocks him off the bar stool and says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks, “GEEZ” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again. All of a sudden, –WHACK! — the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a…
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Thank You Note
A Junior High School in Memphis, Tennessee sponsored a luncheon for the residents of a senior citizens home. The principal of the school received the following Thank You note. * * * Dear Reyer School: God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens’ luncheon. I’m 94 years old and live at the Memphis County Home for the Aged. My family has long since passed away and I rarely have visitors. As a result, I…
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Perfect Timing
Otto von Bismark, the first Chancellor of the German Empire from 1871-90 had been conversing for a rather long time with the British Ambassador to Germany when the latter posed the question: “How do you handle insistent visitors who take up so much of your valuable time?” Bismark answered, “Oh, I have an infallible method. My servant appears and informs me that my wife has something urgent to tell me.” At that moment there was a knock at the door,…
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NY traffic
Traffic was excessively heavy at an intersection in New York City. A very obviously pregnant woman, stepped right out into traffic to cross the street and the screeching of brakes could be heard for blocks. One irate truck driver leaned out his window and yelled: “Hey Lady!! You can get knocked DOWN, too!”
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The amazing time saving idea!
A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. “Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?” The waiter replied, “Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant… He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the…
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Thoughts to ponder
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (Jared: what do you think?) Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? I went…
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A one-track joke….
The engineer of a train passing through Poland could see no light because the power had been knocked out by a severe ice storm. “We’re running out of coal,” he said to his trainman, “but I think we’re coming to Gdansk or Danzig, whatever they call it now. Let’s stop and send the porter out to buy more fuel. Can you see a sign on the depot that says ‘Gdansk’ in this dim light?” “No”, replied the trainman, “it appears…
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Aging
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said,”Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can`t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can`t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.” The third one responded, “Well, I`m…
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