Kind man Jokes - page 2

Drinking Buddies

A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in a hanger in New York Airport; it’s fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other “Man, have you got anything to drink?” “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, that’ll kinda give you a buzz.” So they do, get smashed and have a beautiful time. The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode…

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The 12 days of christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…

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Get the Hell Out!

I dreamed that Bill Gates and I both died on the same day, and we went to hell. I felt that there must have been some kind of mistake, so I went to talk to Satan and asked if there was any way to get out of hell. Satan said, “Well there is one way…you have to find the ugliest, nastiest looking woman in hell and make mad passionate love to her, and then you might be able to get…

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The Lottery Winner

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a fuckin’ checking account!” To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?” “Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin’ checking account right now.” “Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!” The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him…

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If NOAH was in the USA today…..

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed…

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Rules for Dating My Daughter

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am…

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12 Days of Christmas

December 14th Dearest John: I went to the door today and UPS was here with a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes December 15th Dearest John: Today, UPS brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves? I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes December 16th Dear John: Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now…

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Mary’s Cookies

An elderly man was at home, upstairs dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife, Mary, was busily baking cookies. With his last remaining strength, he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As…

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High Tech Hearing

For those of us with hearing difficulties. A man was talking with his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it is state of the art!” “What kind is it?” “Twelve-thirty”

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Read Jokeya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!