Jump jump Jokes - page 17

First Day of School

It was the first day of school and after lunch, the teacher, Miss Adams, was passing out candy treats wrapped in foil. She was then asking each child to identify what they had been given. When she came around to little Eddie, he could not name the Hershey ‘kiss’ he had received. “All right, Eddie”, said Miss Adams. “Here’s a hint. It’s something your daddy wants from your mommy when he gets home from work. Take a bite and tell…

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Crash landing

There were a bunch of people on a plane. The pilot comes on and says: “The plane is having engine failure, we’re going to have to make a crash landing.” Everyone was silent. Suddenly, a lady jumps up, takes off all her clothes onto the floor and yells: “Is there anyone here who could make me feel like the woman I was meant to be?!?” For a while, nothing happened. Then a man jumps up, takes off all his clothes…

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Custody or Candy

In a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story…

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Drinking buddies

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into…

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High Wire

Desperate for work, a man went to the owner of a local circus and asked if there were any openings. The owner told him that he needed a high wire act, but the job required walking without a net over the lion’s cage while wearing a monkey suit. The man, needing the job, put on the suit and climbed to the high wire amid the stunned gasps of the crowd. Stepping gingerly on the thin rope, he began to shuffle…

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Clinton

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said,” Winston Churchill.” “Congratulations said the teacher you may go home.” The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you…”…

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Taking Photos from the Air

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His…

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The Birds and the Bees

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, “Great…he’s 4 and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.” After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?” “Just one,” gasped…

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Please Help Me I’m Falling

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?” The jump master looked at him and, in perfect deadpan, answered: “The rest of your life.”

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The 3 Worst Chinese Torture Tests

A man is out in the wilderness and he’s hopelessly lost. It’s been nearly three weeks since he’s eaten anything besides what he could forage and he’s been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can’t see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks…

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Read JokeThe 3 Worst Chinese Torture Tests