Jump jump Jokes - page 16

Just a joke

Two altar boys walked out of the back door of a church, stripped down naked, and jumped in, head first, to a pile of snow, and slid down the hill to the parking lot. A man who just parked his car in the parking lot demanded to know what was going on. One boy said, “It’s OK. Father Flanagan likes to have a couple cold ones after mass”.

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Holy Golf!

God and St. Peter go down to the golf course on a nice Sunday afternoon. As they go to tee-off, God motions for Peter to start. Peter’s a bit surprised, but he sets up and takes his shot. He hits a nice drive right onto the green. When God takes his shot, however, he doesn’t get nearly as nice a drive. A sharp hook takes the ball right into the rough. Peter asks God “What happened?” God just smiles as…

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Young vs. Old

The old gent was backing his Rolls into the last available parking space when a zippy red sports car whipped in behind him to take the spot. The young driver jumped out and said, “Sorry, Pops, but you’ve got be young and smart to do that!” The old man ignored the remark and kept reversing until the Rolls had crunched the sports car into a crumpled heap. “Sorry, Son, you’ve got be old and rich to do THAT!”

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Cat Commandments

Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem. Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as though thou are transparent. Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator. Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy…

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Praise the Lord!

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout, “PRAISE THE LORD!” Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations that he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!” Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD! God,…

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Illegal Lobster Fishing

After a day of fishing in the ocean, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden, who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters. They are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle, and these lobsters jump out, and I take them for a walk, only to return for them at the end…

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Burning Building

Alex, Roy and David escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to Alex, ?Jump! Jump! It?s your only chance to survive!? Alex jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The fireman laugh as he slams into the pavement like a tomato. ?C?mon! Jump! You gotta jump!? say the firemen to Roy. ?Oh no! You?re gonna pull the blanket away!?…

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Blondes like you

A blonde is on her way to the mall. As she drives past a field of potatoes, she sees a blonde in a boat rowing in the field. Seeing this, she stops suddenly, jumps out of her car and screams to the blonde in the field, “You know it’s blondes like you that give us a bad name! If I could swim I’d come over and throttle you!”

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